The Extremes of my Heart May 16, 2008

My baby lies on my bed, still smelling of lavender soap, fresh out of the bath. His hair, the colour of a freshly minted copper penny, curls tight atop his head. His blue eyes shine with mirth as we play a game of mirroring our tongues sticking out. I kiss his velvet soft round tummy and he squeals with delight.

I can feel my heart expand with absolute unconditional love. The warmth in my chest radiates throughout my body and I know this feeling of peace and joy is infused with the presence of God—this is bliss.

Three days later, my baby lies on my bed whimpering. His whole body is an angry red and he is so hot I can barely touch him. The thermometer reads 40.4°C. I check, that’s 104.7 ° F. How can that be? I just gave him fever medication an hour ago. Why isn’t it working? The decision is made in a fraction of a second—we are off to the hospital. The night is cool. I thank God for that. Then I continue my conversation with God pleading for my son’s health as I drive to the nearest hospital, speeding through the empty roads, adding another thank you for a clear path. I sling my baby close to my chest as I run through the automatic doors of the emergency room.

My heart has imploded. It is encased in a block of ice and ceases to beat, but I can still feel my pulse roaring in my ears. The fear I have for my son’s safety is physically painful. I have to remind myself to breathe. I still talk to God, begging, pleading. He answers me with a temperature drop of one degree. He is here with me. He is here. I hold my baby to my chest and his heat begins to melt the ice around my heart. Everything is going to be just fine.

Three days later, as I change my son’s diaper he gives me a grin and sticks out his tongue. Complete Utter Bliss.

Side-effects anyone? December 7, 2007

I just love the television add for Cymbalta, a new antidepressant. I especially love the line about undesirable effects: “Antidepressants may increase suicidal thoughts or behaviours in some children, adolescents, and young adults.” Hello? This is just what we want, right? We want to alleviate depression by instilling ideas of suicide into their brains! Am I the only one completely dumbfounded, here? Is this what we get for spending ten years developing a drug while spending tens of millions of dollars to do so?

Ah, but this drug was studied in an empirically scientific way, with double blind clinical trials. And the benefits far outweigh the risks…unless it’s your twenty year old with a whole promising life ahead of him that kills himself.

This all sounds so wacky you almost expect it to be a work of fiction. Yet, when I sit at a dinner party and say that I use homeopathy on my family some people look at me as if I use witchcraft on my children. I can assure you that homeopathy is extremely safe and much more symptom effective and cost effective than any conventional medicines I’ve used in the past. Being a retired Registered Nurse, I feel that I know what I’m talking about.

I strongly believe that there is a time and a place for both conventional medicine and homeopathy, but swine will take flight the day I give my family a medication that may increase suicidal thoughts. I have too many options to settle for something so bizarre.