The Good, The Bad, and The Gluttony May 26, 2008

The May 2008 Writer’s Retreat, sponsored by the OIW, took place at Marguerite Centre in Pembroke, Ontario, from Thursday evening until Sunday afternoon.

I guess the best testament to my time at the retreat was that I completed both the first drafts of my women’s fiction novel and a contemporary romance short story. I figured I’d better work hard, because not only was I parting with $250, I also had to honour the time I spent away from my ever-dependent children.

The other good would include the camaraderie. I met sixteen fellow Ottawa writers, most writing different genres. Their readings in the evening were inspiring and their reception of my work quite flattering. I will definitely be keeping in touch with these wonderful people. The serene atmosphere, and ample opportunity to write, read, meditate, walk, or even nap was also very inspiring. I also have to include in this list of good things how much we laughed ourselves to tears at mealtime. I don’t know if I will ever be able to look at ferrets the same way again.

The bad list is short but includes the horrible ergonomics of using a laptop on a desk and sitting in a hard wooden chair for hours on end, and while I loved that my room was so bright and sunny all day, I didn’t like being woken by the sun at six when I’d just gotten to bed at one. The mini-blinds just weren’t enough for the determined sunshine.

And yes, the gluttony… To say the food was abundant would be a total understatement. Meals were provided in a cafeteria manner, except there was no cash because all was included. The choices were many and the best part is that the line started with desserts. And then if you could find room for more in your over stuffed tummy, near the bedrooms you could find a little kitchenette with tea, coffee, juice, soft drinks, cookies, muffins, tarts, cheese, cereal, bread and more. The snacks came in handy on the night I decided to stay up and finish my short story. They had the most delectable jam filled shortbreads…back on the diet on Monday.

All in all, it the weekend was so much more than I’d hoped for, certainly worth the $250, and even spending some time away from the family. I think we are all better for it, and I would gladly go again.

The Sitting Room

The Blessed Cafeteria

The Extremes of my Heart May 16, 2008

My baby lies on my bed, still smelling of lavender soap, fresh out of the bath. His hair, the colour of a freshly minted copper penny, curls tight atop his head. His blue eyes shine with mirth as we play a game of mirroring our tongues sticking out. I kiss his velvet soft round tummy and he squeals with delight.

I can feel my heart expand with absolute unconditional love. The warmth in my chest radiates throughout my body and I know this feeling of peace and joy is infused with the presence of God—this is bliss.

Three days later, my baby lies on my bed whimpering. His whole body is an angry red and he is so hot I can barely touch him. The thermometer reads 40.4°C. I check, that’s 104.7 ° F. How can that be? I just gave him fever medication an hour ago. Why isn’t it working? The decision is made in a fraction of a second—we are off to the hospital. The night is cool. I thank God for that. Then I continue my conversation with God pleading for my son’s health as I drive to the nearest hospital, speeding through the empty roads, adding another thank you for a clear path. I sling my baby close to my chest as I run through the automatic doors of the emergency room.

My heart has imploded. It is encased in a block of ice and ceases to beat, but I can still feel my pulse roaring in my ears. The fear I have for my son’s safety is physically painful. I have to remind myself to breathe. I still talk to God, begging, pleading. He answers me with a temperature drop of one degree. He is here with me. He is here. I hold my baby to my chest and his heat begins to melt the ice around my heart. Everything is going to be just fine.

Three days later, as I change my son’s diaper he gives me a grin and sticks out his tongue. Complete Utter Bliss.