Now that we have more people in the house than rooms in which to house them, we’ve been contemplating buying a bigger home. That, of course, would involve a bigger mortgage. And now the whole house hunting thing brought up a declaration from my dear husband that he feels the weight on his shoulders from us being a single income family. This, of course, makes me feel like I SHOULD be working outside the home. Hubby also likes to point out every news article about the nursing shortage and every classified add for nurses. But what he doesn’t realize is how much my working as a nurse would completely change our lives. Sure, I’d be making an excellent salary, putting our income well above six figures, but it also means working twelve hour shifts, nights, weekends, and holidays. And nursing is very demanding physically and emotionally. And I find that keeping this house with four kids a full time job as it is, I can’t imagine working as a nurse in addition to all this! Hubby complains about the chores he does now, I’m sure we’d both be completely burnt out if I went back to work as a nurse.
So why do I feel so GUILTY about not having an income when the arguments against working are so many?
Then comes into play my own feelings about contributing to society, about what I want to be when I grown up. I have this huge part of me that is not happy if I’m not making a difference in the world. I don’t know where it came from, but I can’t stifle it. That’s who I am, I just have to live with it. I’ve tried my best to convince myself that raising four wonderful socially-minded children is a great gift to humanity, but try as I might it still doesn’t feel like enough. I can be very very hard on myself! Writing is great because I can be inspirational and put out a message of hope, but it takes so long to publish a book and the money takes even longer to come. Besides the fact that it’s not taken completely seriously around here so I have to write in rare moments of downtime, unlike going to work 9 to 5.
I would love to be a motivational speaker, or a teacher, or a counsellor, but all those would require that I do some sort of studying, and invest money and time into myself.
I could go back to practising natural medicine, which involves a lot of teaching and counselling, but it also involves finding patients in the small pocket of the population that believes in what you do– that doesn’t think you are a crook and a quack. And the money is not spectacular there, probably not enough to cover daycare as a girlfriend that I studied with is complaining out. Definitely more of a labour of love. And I would have to take a refresher course as I haven’t been keeping up with the newest research and trends. Again, money and time.
So… I’m stuck folding laundry and mashing homemade baby food, feeling like I should have some sort of game plan for when the kids are in school full time, at the very least, if not sooner. What do I do? Do you ever feel that you need to be more than a mom? Am I totally nuts to want to do more, as if I don’t already do so much?
I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Allen Taylor
Have you ever thought about freelance writing? When first starting out, you do sometimes have to write for free and there’s a lot of waiting around to see if your work is accepted but the results are faster than writing a book. You should pick up a copy of the book Writer Mama by Christina Katz. It’s a wonderful book that explains how moms can stay at home and make a living as freelance writers. I think it would help you out a lot.
But don’t get too down on yourself. As a stay-at-home mom, I know exactly how you’re feeling. Just think of how much you’d be missing if you went back to work!